How to Pick the Flowers They’ll Actually Love

One of the things I’ve learned over the years—after helping a lot of people send a lot of flowers—is that picking flowers isn’t actually about picking the “best” flowers. It’s about picking the right ones. And those are not always the same thing. I’ve messed this up myself more times than I’d like to admit—defaulting to what I think is beautiful instead of stopping for two seconds to think about what they actually love.

People tend to default to what they think they’re supposed to send. The “nice” flowers. The “impressive” flowers. The ones that feel like you really nailed it… even if you kind of guessed. And while that can work, it’s not always what actually lands.

We actually saw this really clearly in a consumer survey we ran this past Valentine’s Day. What recipients wanted most wasn’t something big or expensive—it was to feel seen. (Which sounds obvious, but turns out is actually the whole game.) And that shows up in ways people don’t expect.

A smaller bouquet of anemones—if those are someone’s favorite—will almost always land better than a huge bouquet of peonies if it doesn’t feel personal. It’s not about how much you spend. It’s about whether they feel like you know them.

Because the flowers people love most are usually the ones that mean something to them. The ones tied to a memory, a person, a place. The ones that hit a nerve in the very best way. Really not trying to name drop here (promise), but when Gwen Stefani told me why she loves purple iris, it stuck with me. They remind her of her amazing relationship with Blake.

Meanwhile, those same flowers have a completely different association for me. They grew along one side of our farmhouse in Indiana, and I always thought they clashed with the house color (which, in hindsight, might have been my first sign that I was going to be in this business). Whereas, on the other side of the driveway, under the big oak trees, we had an amazing patch of lily of the valley—and that still feels like home to me. Which is probably why (I kid you not), a truck just unloaded about 500 plants here to the farm about an hour ago and I cannot wait to plant them under our pine trees here.

See what I mean? The story matters. What flowers make you feel—kind of like a song—are usually the ones you love most.

If you don’t know someone’s story (and don’t feel comfortable asking), there’s a surprisingly easy way to get close: pay attention to what they wear. It’s not scientific, but it works more often than you’d think.

If they tend to wear neutrals and keep things simple, a bouquet of white peonies, lilies, or ranunculus will likely feel aligned with their style. If they’re the kind of person who mixes prints, leans into bright colors, and is generally the life of the party, go for something more vibrant—a mixed bouquet with bold tones or even a single-color moment in something really bright. It doesn’t have to be complicated—it just has to feel like them.

Which brings me to something I feel very strongly about: some of the most misunderstood flowers are also some of the best ones. Carnations are probably the biggest example.

People looooove to hate carnations. They’ve had a PR problem for years, no matter how many times we try to rebrand them - it just never works. But they’re one of the hardest working flowers out there. They’re truly a workhorse of a flower (so, of course, we love them!). They last forever, they actually smell like something (which is super rare these days), and the newer varieties are pretty incredible. Some of them look surprisingly close to garden roses—at about 10% of the cost. Which, if you’ve ever bought flowers before, you know is not nothing.

Alstroemeria is another one that doesn’t get the credit it deserves.

I used to hate it. Like, aggressively. It was a running joke at Farmgirl. And now it’s one of my favorites. It lasts forever, the newer varieties are beautiful, and the way it opens almost looks like a bunch of little butterflies dancing around in the bouquet. It adds movement and softness in a way that’s hard to replicate—and it’s incredibly affordable, which makes it one of the easiest ways to make a bouquet feel full without blowing the budget.

And then there are lilies.

Lilies tend to get labeled as “old-fashioned” or “something your great Aunt Edna sends,” but they have this incredible ability to completely transform a space. A few stems can fill a room in a way that a much larger quantity of other flowers can’t. They’re more moderately priced, but a little goes a very long way. Six stems in a vase can easily feel like thirty of something else. And they last—which, again, matters more than people think.

Because at the end of the day, the “best” flowers aren’t necessarily the most expensive or the most on-trend. They’re the ones that feel like they were chosen with intention. The ones that reflect the person receiving them—not the person sending them.

That might be peonies or garden roses. Or it might be carnations, alstroemeria, or lilies. There’s no hierarchy here—it’s just about what feels right to them.

And when you get that part right, you know. And more importantly, they know.